Give a D.A.M for Cancer
Men don’t readily share their journey, so Treating Cancer provides a platform to hear various perspectives on how a cancer diagnosis impacts the lives of others.
How do you cope with caring for your father as the primary caregiver? Please share how your life is impacted.
My dad has lived with my son and me since my mum passed away from liver cancer in 2018. My dad was in the hospital for 58 days and returned home with a STOMA Bag, so I knew what was needed in caring for him.
Since I am self-employed, my time is flexible. My job requires me to focus, so I make sure dad’s needs are taken care of before leaving for work. I am single. However, my 25-year-old son helps when he can. There is a measure of concern when my son and I are out. We try to juggle our activities to ensure someone is home with my dad. I have support from my sisters, who cook us meals and step in to give my son and me some relief for a week or two.
My social life has taken a back seat because my priorities are caring for my dad, working, and finding time to relax. However, when I visit my sister, I take my dad.
I worry about my dad’s health and his emotional state, but I take each day as it comes. Overthinking doesn’t help. I am relatively open-minded about death and approach each day on its merit.
Before my dad’s diagnosis, he was self-sufficient. So it is no joke to see him deteriorating. He was a tailor; however, he doesn’t have the strength to continue. My dad gets angry and shows his frustration, but he has made peace with things now.
Since my dad is in his 80s, I take him to his appointments, and the medical team are dignified in their approach. They explained the process and actions taken initially, and after that, it became a normal process. As a result, my dad feels empowered, but sometimes he asks me to explain things again when he can’t remember or is uncertain. The uncertainty is concerning, but the doctors do their best to clear up my dad’s questions.
I get overwhelmed sometimes, but I try to handle the situation as it comes up. Initially, I struggled emotionally because we used to argue previously, but I’m more compassionate now. I am here to make my dad comfortable, and despite him being elderly, he has the added stress of the effects of cancer and the emotions that go with being dependent on us for his care.
Whether you are a caregiver or a cancer patient, we all go through the following three phases below:
- Denial – disbelief that this is happening to you or your loved one
- Acceptance – we move to immediate care needs, making peace with what must be done.
- Moving forward – look at the near future and make your loved one as comfortable as possible.
My dad does not talk about his cancer much. He was focused on his treatment, but now he is tired and doesn’t want to continue. His tumour is not going away, his CT scan tumour markers increased, but the growth is minimal. So he is seeking comfort without chemo.
My mum passed away from liver cancer, and my family is familiar with the cancer terminology, but we are still learning daily about the various facets of cancer. I am practical and do what’s needed. I now know I need to prepare for the void left when my dad passes because a caregiver’s life revolves around the patient.
ENDS.
Insights from a 53-year-old male caregiver to his father, who has advanced stage colon cancer.
Thank you for sharing! We all benefit from you sharing your experience.
To share your story, please contact us at reception@treatingcancer.co.za